Life and rhymes

Well, well, well...whaddya know. Me is here blogging just 1 day before my Biochemistry paper. Awesomeness. I had been really relax throughout the study week. Slacking too much :(

Anyway, that's not the point here.

Weirdly enough, I haven't been writing much lately even though I had plenty of time and LOADS of inspiration...geheeee~

So, today while I was in library, in the silent isolation(while I was "supposed" to be studying), I ("accidentally") picked out a piece of white paper and started scribbling. I have to admit that my writing has gone a little rusty after months of hiatus from writing. I scribbled down a few lines, and thanks to some surge in inspirations, I managed to write a couple of stanzas, or whatever you call it. Tada...

I looked into your eyes but I can't see,
Your thoughts, your feelings, they escaped me,
Your playful laughter and that beautiful smile,
Made me wonder, is this all worthwhile?

I blinded myself with my feelings for you,
Covered my eyes from seeing the truth,
Thoughts of you I used as an escape,
Into my realm of fantasy, there's no mistake.

But your words, your words, they were loud and clear,
I've mistaken your intentions for something more dear,
To stay away from you from now on I will be sure,
To not let myself fall deeper and save my tears.

I had been foolish for creating my own fantasy,
For not facing the cold harsh facts of reality,
You and I were never meant to be,
All my feelings were wasted for nothing.

But I'll keep you near, my friend, my dear,
For these feelings they linger, they stay here,
I shall move on slowly to find another,
Only time will tell if I ever move further.

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After surveying my blog, I realise this is only the second time that I've ever posted my writings. Anyway, I dug through some of my older writings and the first one is a simple, melancholy, sappy song, and the second one is just a poem. Taadaaaarrrkkk:

You gave me love
You gave me hope
You gave me feelings that I can't ignore
You touched my heart
And I fell apart
I just can't love you anymore

The stars have dimmed
I shy away
It's time to think
Where to begin

Chorus 1:
Enough of love
Enough of lies
Enough of false hope that you supplied
Enough of time
Enough of dreams
Enough of everything that you can't tell me

Chorus 2:
Enough of love
Enough of lies
Enough of hurt, enough goodbyes
Enough of time
Enough of dreams
Enough of everything but you can't love me

Bridge:
I've had enough
I'm not that tough
I can't go on
If there's no love

-Repeat chorus 1 & 2-

Chorus 3:
Enough of love
Enough of lies
Enough of pain, enough of cries
Enough of time
Enough of dreams
Enough of hoping there's a happy ending

Enough my love.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't want to play your game no more
I'm sick and tired of being hurt before
I don't want to have to love no more
Only to know there's no love at all.

I've put my trust in you to love
But all I got were lies and hurt
I wanted your love and was too naive
To believe that love would come to me.

I've given up hope, I've given up love
I've given my life just to be hurt
I've suffered enough but I won't learn
I'm still wishing love in return.

Take me away from this cruel place
That offered no love and no grace
Take me away, maybe I'll be okay
Because life is love and I'll love again.

Weeeeeeeeee~~
KAT :)


Life is [insert favourite word of the day].

HISTORICAL DAY + Life today

I can't believe so many things happened in the short span of today, 9th February 2009. WARNING: Another long post that no one will probably read :-/
Looks like I've been bitten by the blogging bug...I are BLOGGER!


Morning...


I woke up late this morning feeling a little lazy to go to school. But since I thought I was going to hand-up my EDevices & CKT mini project, I thought I'll just go to school, test out my circuit and happily hand it up. Unfortunately, things don't always happen as we planned. Stupiak circuit refuses to function, not even wanting to give out any beep at all when it is supposed to. So I ended the lab this morning feeling a little whacked. Just a little. And the lab technician who looks and behaves more like a serial killer didn't helped at all. We were just asking him to get us some components, and he was behaving like we were sentencing him to some labour in hell. Wadda-eff is wrong with him?!



Next...


Mira, Fauzan and I skipped Rudy's E-Maths2 lecture(and so did EVERYONE else) and went to Tampines Mall to buy a cake for Chen Han's belated 20th birthday celebration. We've done this quite a number of times for our classmates' birthday and I think we got more PRO in selecting cakes. We made a quick decision and bought Chocolate Truffles from Polar :D

It was clear when Chen Han arrived at Breadboard and saw the cake that he was truly touched. I could see his eyes redden just a little bit ;)

I am truly glad and proud of my classmates' decision to sort of start a tradition of celebrating everyone's birthday. It is a really fun and exciting thing to do, to make each and everyone of our classmate feel special and appreciated during their birthday. Eventhough it's just a simple cake and simple celebration, I am glad we can do this as a class :)
GO I801!!! We so totally rawkxr! Yeah!


Moving on...


Today I am rather blur. I don't usually lose my things (**no one should argue with me about this :P**). But unfortunately, I lost two things today!!

My toolbox has decided to DISAPPEAR INTO THIN AIR. I usually don't simply leave my things around(unless I'm completely distracted, which er, doesn't happen that much but I'm not justified...). After a series of confusing and distracting events, where I was:

-laughing uncontrollably with Mira(as usual)
-holding numerous objects in my arms
-taking out things from my beg
-helping other people hold some stuff
-handing stuffs in my hand to another person,

I realised that my precious toolbox has mysteriously disappeared from the comfort of my arms, where it is safe and warm. Sadly, my toolbox decided that I had neglected it during that confusing time, where alot of activities were happening within my arms. It felt unimportant, unuseful, unattractive and decided to DISAPPEAR INTO THIN AIR (T-T)



Please, my dear toolbox! Come back to me! I promise to treat you well and make you the most important thing in my life(right now because all my mini project circuit is inside!!!). I promise to take good care of you and not neglect you like I did today! I promise to keep you safe in my arms, away from harm. I promise to always remember where you are and look for you when you disappear! Please, come back to me! I will die without you!! *only because my mini project is inside*

I also lost my 5566 Friendship ring :-s
I had no idea where I placed it. SAD! I really don't know when did I took it off and where I placed it. Sorry guys! I'm really sorry I lost it! But at least I wore it on a daily basis and show it all around...hmmph!


After that. . .


I did a whole lot of walking around today. I walked around Tampines Mall buying cake and landyward for Chen Han. Then I walked around school, attending classes and hunting down my missing toolbox. After school, Mira, Fauzan and I went opposite the school to buy some souvenirs for Sunil to visit him after being discharged from the hospital. Mira and I then attempted to locate the exact bus to take in order to reach Sunil's house. After looping around Tampines for one hour(all within the radius of TP and my block), we finally found the right bus and were able to safely reach Sunil's house with ourselves(and our brain) intact.

Sunil was hospitalized for a week for dengue. It's surprising enough to know that the healthy + energetic Sunil was sick, let alone hospitalized. But I'm glad Mira and I were able to represent our class to visit Sunil at his house :D

He seemed a little weak, a little drowsy, not as hyper as usual, but glad that he's ok and getting better. Can't wait to have Sunil back in school!

Back to the walking topic, I was surprised to find that my soxx has torn! Gaha!! My soxx has holes in them! Holey soxx! Waddarrfff~ Gehee~



I know my shoes aren't the right size and the soxx is some cheapskate soxx but I didn't know one day's walking would completely dig holes in them! *momentarily remembered Alvin Che's "Giant Hole" video*
I seriously need to get the right shoe size and good soxx :-/


Besides that . . .


What else? Ice Queen enjoys torturing people!! Gah!
I saw the sheepish smile on Ice Queen's face when she intentionally tortured people. The smile was one of enjoyment and satisfaction. I think Ice Queen enjoys torturing people from that smile. I smiled myself, obviously my mind has wondered somewhere else...anyway, it's not everyday that I get to see Ice Queen smile. Belive me, oh my, Ice Queen is so cute when she smiles. She ought to smile so much more :)

And Ice Queen, I know you won't be reading this, but, I DO noticed that you've FINALLY changed your wardrobe. I've recently concluded that you only have 2 pants(black and brown) and at most, 4 tops, of which you alternate and mix-and-match them within the week. Glad to see that you've finally added new tops to your wardrobe :D
Today you look extra chic with your tucked in top and pants. I lurve the white top and black pants, you look totally fantastic and very in control. The look enhances your prim and proper, "I'm-in-control", confident and fierce self. Way to go, Ice Queen. Still as icy as ever. Can't wait to see what you'll be wearing tomorrow. We don't have much time left, but I'll try to make use of the remaining time before it's too late.


Lastly...


I would like to announce that today, 9th February 2009, is a HISTORICAL DAY. It is a day of much importance to myself. A day where I let myself be vulnerable, weak, lost, emotional, idiotic, confused, totally unprepared, impromptu, crazy. Everything. Although it made little impact in my life overall, I am glad I passed at least one stage, crossed one line this time, though there are so much more lines I have to cross. It is a day where I learnt to be more self accepting, more open, more trusting, more vulnerable. It is a day towards self acceptance and exposing myself to the ones who mattered most to me. It is a day towards ups and downs, happiness and sorrow, new friendships and ending of old ones. I cannot say that I would feel much more relieved after the incident, or that I could breathe more easily.

I still feel insecured, untrusting, unsure of myself and others. I still feel crushed and suffocating. I still feel messed up and regretful. I still feel sorry and guilty. I am who I am and I am not ready to be who I am. I am living with myself, in my own world where no one has seen another side of me. I am living in a world where I am normal. My journey now, sure to be winding and full of obstacles, is to bring my world, into THIS WORLD.

Gaha...so much of reflections and opinions in my last 2 posts~
Being rather emotional and reflective these few days :D

Last shout out, I LURVE my class I801~!

Rantings of nonsensical shizz in life...

So since I have come back from my blogging hiatus, might as blog about a thing or two.

So life. Life is complicated as it is. But I like to view life as simple. The simple life. Life with no troubles. Life with no drama. Fortunately, that is what exactly life is. Simle. Unfortunately, humans are not simple beings. Humans, who live lives that are too simple, find it boring and soon creates drama. Humans are the ones who make life complicated. Are you complicated?

What I realise in my life's journey is that what you see, might not be what you get. What's on the surface, may not be what it is underneath. People masquerade as someone else at least half of the time, if not all the time. We put on masks to address different situations or different people. We behave differently when we are with friends than when we are with our family members. We behave differently when we are with our grandparents than when we are with our teachers.

So who are you? What are you hiding? Who are you trying to be? Who are you trying NOT to be?

One thing I discovered about myself is that I offer a sincerity. I offer my sincere self to others and hope as much sincerity in return. Unfortunately, I learnt that not everyone offers sincerity in return. People often have hidden agendas behind a beatiful wide smile. The have certain motives, attacking and twisting others in order to achieve their goal, while in the process, bringing others down and hurting their feelings. Do you feel like you're winning? Congratulations to you then. I hope you feel proud.

I am certainly happy and glad that I have found myself friends who are just as sincere as myself and I treasure them and I held them dearly to my heart. They offer me no harm, but true, sincere friendship, just as much as I would return them the same. Living with my naitivity and trusting self in society doesn't do me much good considering the number of people with hidden agendas. I sometimes feel insecure living on my own, fearing of being manipulated in others' mind games. Therefore, I feel guarded to have my friends with me as they offer me a sense of protection and trust. Thank you my honest friends. You SHOULD know who you are ;)

Everyday of living our lives is a day of learning more about ourselves. How we react to different situations, how much of patience can we withstand, how we interact with people, how we manage our emotions. How much do you know about yourself?

I can admit that I don't know myself well enough. Perhaps it is because I am still young and immature and there are so much more that I need to experience in order to understand myself. Or perhaps I am still changing, and not fixed to a certain behaviour or character just yet.

What I can say is, I am still so much more. There are still numerous layers of myself that needs to be peeled away to expose the core, shedding away sheets of protection to reveal who I really am. So who exactly am I? How important am I to you? What am I to you? What do you expect from me?

I might not exactly be a very open person as I still keep alot of my thoughts and feelings to myself. But I am starting to wonder if all this is going to cost me. Am I a shadow that floats through in other people's life? A transparent being, whose mere presence is so that others can spill their hearts to, a listening ear, a blank wall to be painted on, a reliable companion whose sole purpose is so that others don't feely alone, a person to drag around with without having a real use, an empty box that others can fill their opinions in...who am I? What am I?

I am here. I am present. I am now. I am an open book hiding behind a naked mask. I am me. Lost and found. Present and past. Child and adult. Immature and sensitive. Confused and sure. Scared and bold. Sincere and sarcastic. Emotional and cold. True and masquerading. Alive and well. Living and breathing. Laughing and loving. My presence counts. And you'd better agree. *smirks*

I don't know where this post is going or where the main point is. This is just some ranting and observations of my own. My perspective. I'm sorry if you felt like you've wasted 3 minutes of your life reading through that. If you've skipped the whole thing to here, you clearly don't think I'm important. Better not wave to me the next time I see you, cuz I'll be ignoring you. Gaha~

To lighten things up, here are some random photos for your viewing pleasure.

Sleeping King, Chen Han :D

Me & Mirr are the best Tag-team during the JAE at TP ;)

Chillaxing after BIE's captain's ball game(more pics at Mira's blog)

*KNNWTFLOLBBQROFLAMO*

After steaming boat at DawnDawn's house

Here are some interesting rules that TP students should NOT do while in the library...

Do not stare BLANKLY at lecture notes.

Do not STARE blankly into space.

Do not STARE cross-eyed at handphone.

AGAIN, I repeat, do NOT stare blankly into space.

Do not act cute by winking at handphone and making suspicious sign with your hand.

Do not play with handphone.

Do not play with handphone by taking pictures of your friends.

Serious offence!

Do not sleep in library.

And most serious of all offences:
.
.
.
.
.
DO NOT TAKE PICTURE OF YOUR FRIENDS WHILE THEY ARE SLEEPING IN LIBRARY.

Gaaahahhaahahahaahahahhahahaha!!

Finally!! A post(of nonsensical shizzz)!!

Imagine(all the people...*sings*) my excitement when I saw Mr. Tayyz's message that I have been tagged by Alvin Che!! Gaahaa!! Finally, I have something to blog about! Gaha!! I know, some of you guys [*cough* Roys & Ben *coughcough*] had been complaining to me asking me to PLEASE update my blog...then later, I complained to you guys in return that I have no idea what to blog about. Well, enter...NONSENSICAL QUESTIONAIRE the 2nd :D

Three names that your friends call you:
-Kat :)
-Kather (ah, back in the good old days with my good ol' friends :D)
-Katty (copyrighted by Mirra ;] )

Three most important dates in your life..
-Er, my burfday?
-HOLIDAY
-New year cuz I'll have the reason in the world to get new clothes :D

Three thing you've done in the last 33 minutes..
-Watched Gossip Girl season 1...dang, I don't exactly know why am I still watching that lame show :S
-Listened to music on my lappy
-Logged on facebook and my blogger...and then I saw Tay's message saying I have been tagged! :D

Three ways to be happy..
-Spending time with my friends...they guaranteed me laughter :D
-Eating :D Gaahahahahaha! It helps :D
-Buying stuff. It can be groceries, accessories or "unnesscessaries", gahhaah~ It's GUARANTEED happiness

Three of your songs as for now...
Er, I think it should actually say "Three of your FAVOURITE songs as for now" so wth I'm going to my fave songs as of now.
-Leslie Roy - Unbeautiful
-Paramore - Decode
-Usher - Moving mountains [I've been really into this song for quite sometime now and I don't exactly know why :D]

Three of your favourite hobbies
-EATING . . . Weeeeeeee~! *idiotic blissFo0L look*
-Er . . . stoning? *stoned look*
-Singing (usually does duets with Mirrra) *remembers incident at Breadboard whilst singing one of Anuar Zain's song* WAAAAKAKKAKAKAKAAK!!!

Three places you want to go for vacation..
-Estonia
-Alaska, United States of America. I want to see whether I can cross over the border of Alaska into Russia (thanks to Sarah Palin)
-Moon, so that even if I don't reach it, I can fall among the stars...GAHA!

Three favourite cartoon/anime characters..
Alamarrkxx, I don't watch anime can? Cartoon I watch :D
-Spongebob Squarepants + all its cast
-The Fairy Oddparents
-Jimmy Neutron
-can add somemore???

Three favourite malls you usually go...
Waahxx, this is a very sad question. If I'm in Kluang, you all know my answer. If I'm in Singkapoor, then NO ANSWER. CAN!! SATISFIED!! HAIYORK!! APA MACAM SIAAA!! Jole will start saying "Remember, she NEVER been OUT of Tampines!" (-_____-")

Three favourite drinks..
-Water. Seriously. *I rawkx*
-Er. . .sky juice is not bad.
-Air *geeeheeeheeee*

Three favourite colours..
This one is easy. Everyone will probably know my answer as well. Although its not my choice, I've always been associated with black colour...not to be emo here so I shall name my 2 "favouritest" colour! Yay! er.
-COLOURLESS
-COLOURFUL
Yay!

Top three hang outs..
-I like to hang out on top of the trees
-Our "usual place" level 7 of TP library >.<
-In the confinement of 4 walls :(((((((((((

Top three food you love so much..
-SUSHI SUSHI SUSHI(huh? 3 already?)
-Indian food *yummmm*
-Chinese food + Malay food + Italian food + Mexican food + Western food + fast food + dessert (who says I can only love 3 types of food!)

Top three things special to you..
-Life and everything in it :D (I'm just cheating through this whole thing aren't I?)
-Money(cuz it makes the world go round...)
-Relationships(family, friends, acquaintances, teachers, etc. I'm cheating again! Who cares! :D)

Top three attitudes you like..
-straightforward/sincerity
-humble
-kind hearted(especially to animals)

Three things you'll be doing tomorrow..
Harrhhh. . .too bad, I'm just a typical student. Got nothing interesting to do can!
-Take DFund2 labtest
-Attend Chungky & Dr. Raja's lecture...Sial larr!! Tomorrow got Prem tut!
-Attend choir?

Three reasons you answer this survey..
-Nothing to blog about :(((((((((( **hides in blogger's hall of shame**
-Er. . .same as above
-Tagged by Senor Alvin :)

Three people you tagged...
Lemme tag...
-Mr. Tay!
-Rolls Roys!
-BenBen Ben is Ben is BenBen is Ben is Ben is BenBen is. Gaahhaha! :D

Finally got one post after a long hiatus :D