Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The Angel and Mortal

Hello monkeys who actually do read my blog. Whoever you are. How is your day? I've been so busy I barely know what it's like to just sit around and stone. Or surf the internet for more than 10 hours a day looking up on celebrity gossips (like Lady Gaga being a hermaphrodite) and the latest hawt songs.

Anyway, as one of the activities in Choir, each of us was assigned a mortal and we, as angels, are supposed to take care of our own mortal and give them something special. I wrote some poems to my mortal (hope she actually likes it :S) and while writing for her I had inspirations to write other stuff. Here goes.


The calm I see it's in your eyes
The way you speak an assurance outside
The rain, the thunder you hide inside
Only a masquerade of what you hide inside

Speak to the wind of your troubles, your love
They may carry your secrets up above
Speak to me of your thoughts and words
I just may help you ease the pain and hurt

My mortal you are, the angel I am
I will try my all to be the best I can
But fallen an angel, a man I am
If you are my mortal please comprehend

The calm you see it's in my eyes
The way I speak an assurance outside
The rain, the thunder I hide inside
Only a masquerade of what's on my mind.


Life is [insert favourite word of the day].

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

My Darkness Hour

So...I was feeling very shitty yesterday(3rd August) because I deserve to feel that way. Some mothafurker furked my day. I was furked up the rest of the day. So I just wasted myself. But I got really in the mood and in the zone, so I started writing...with someone particular in mind. Oh dear. I was so much in the zone that I felt completely embolden and completely drowned in it(I hope what I just said made sense). I almost texted the person what I wrote. But I was too Chickyn. Yar. Short one here.


In my hour of darkness I yearn for your warmth
But trouble to you I dare not bring on
So I keep it inside, behind a masquerade I hide
Plaster a smile, pretend everything's alright

In my hour of darkness I yearn for your warmth
The angel of sadness has tore down my door
My heart was melted like never before
I long for your touch oh, so much more.


Life is [insert favourite word of the day].

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

My Blissfool Chaos

My colours have faded into fourteen shades of grey
I lost my conscience along with the time of day
I’ve fallen into oblivion with nothing to grapple
My brain has lost function, ready to tumble

I stood in silence lost in a trance
You stood behind me without a single glance
I beckoned in silence for your warm embrace
You turned to listen but then walked away

My world is tossed into chaos, it slowly crumbled
I am not strong enough to comprehend, I struggled
My world is in disarray, priorities in a jumble
I am crushed and pinned under this burgeoning rubble

I reached out for a hand, for safety, for secure
I found you swimming further away even more
I tried to put forth my foot on a stable ground
But you have left my side without making a sound

I woke up to find my ethereal existence
I came to realise my own insignificance
I am to fight this battle only in solitude
But it was in your eyes that I found my fortitude.

-Kat-

Life is [insert favourite word of the day].

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

Blog Revival

Monkey poo! As my sister Rachie happily pronounced that my blog has died, I, as an inspiring doctor, shall serve my duties of reviving and giving CPR to my blog that's lying on its deathbed.

*hops over to Rachie's blog and found out my sister really has no life posting all that nonsensical stuff(but secretly proud of all the nonsensical things that can actually sprout out of her tiny winy little brainy)*

Ok, I'll keep this post short and sweet. Some inspirations came to me while I was in the loo today...hmm, see inspirations come just like that. Anytime, anywhere. Can't stop them :D

Come to think of it, I was going to the loo quite a number of times today cause I drank alot of water :S


Verse 1:
I twist and turn
My stomach churns
I'm trying to start again
I feel the burn
Is it real love
I don't know where to begin

Bridge:
I can't look into your eyes
When you're holding me tight
The darkness lurks behind me
Slowly devouring me

Chorus:
Can you tell me where I am?
Is this how we will end?
You tried to hold my hand
While I just turned away
I turned away

Verse 2:
Why am I running away?
Away from this field of grey
Why are you pulling me down?
Why should I turn around
And see your face
I see your face...

Verse 3:
I tried to lie
I tried to hide
I build this wall inside
I tear my heart
My frozen heart
This fire will slowly die

Bridge:
I can't look into your eyes
When you're holding me tight
The darkness lurks behind me
Slowly devouring me

Chorus:
Can you tell me where I am?
Is this how we will end?
You tried to hold my hand
While I just turned away
I turned away...

End:
I twist and turn
My stomach churns
Can you please hold my hand?
I feel your warmth
I'm already torn
So maybe I should stay.



Life is [insert favourite word of the day].

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Journey of the insane mind one one unsound miao into the realms of fantasy and unreal possibilities

Yoyoyoyoyo!

What's up people of the blogsphere? I have been lost for so long...anyway. My CDS tutor, one Mrs. Serena mentioned that the average lifespan of a blog is about 9 months. So I shall prove to nobody, that I ARE A BLOGGER and can sustain the erm, life of my blog for more than 9 months! After that, I'll just...go back to the usual blogless normal life of a cavewoman.

Ehem.

Anyway, as things happened that caused me not to be in the comfort of my own er, place to blog, I shall keep this entry simple, short and probably not readworthy.
I've been inspired in one way or another by incidents happening around me lately and thus was able to use that disturbing nonsense, that ringing in my ear, those annoying thoughts...er. Anyway, I was inspired.

Here goes.

What are we doing I ask you dear?
Why are we suffering because of fear?
Why two souls that makes perfect sense
Have to part on false pretense?

Everyone has the desire to love
Why do we run from each other's love?
Everyone has the desire to be loved
Why can't we spare each other comfort?

Is it wrong to fall so hard, so soon
Is it fair to not heal my heart's wound?
Is it fair two person torment each other
Not knowing that they both actually suffer?

If it is true that love, my love is blind
Then why do we hide our love inside?
If it is true to love is to let go
I'd rather not have to live through tomorrow.

Fine then. I shall return to my reclusive, quiet self the next time you see me. Jump to no conclusions and make no assumptions to not rise any complications. Unless you are unmistaken. Do not question my sanity or inspiration for all this nonsense. Unless...when I'm truly broken :(

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Life and rhymes

Well, well, well...whaddya know. Me is here blogging just 1 day before my Biochemistry paper. Awesomeness. I had been really relax throughout the study week. Slacking too much :(

Anyway, that's not the point here.

Weirdly enough, I haven't been writing much lately even though I had plenty of time and LOADS of inspiration...geheeee~

So, today while I was in library, in the silent isolation(while I was "supposed" to be studying), I ("accidentally") picked out a piece of white paper and started scribbling. I have to admit that my writing has gone a little rusty after months of hiatus from writing. I scribbled down a few lines, and thanks to some surge in inspirations, I managed to write a couple of stanzas, or whatever you call it. Tada...

I looked into your eyes but I can't see,
Your thoughts, your feelings, they escaped me,
Your playful laughter and that beautiful smile,
Made me wonder, is this all worthwhile?

I blinded myself with my feelings for you,
Covered my eyes from seeing the truth,
Thoughts of you I used as an escape,
Into my realm of fantasy, there's no mistake.

But your words, your words, they were loud and clear,
I've mistaken your intentions for something more dear,
To stay away from you from now on I will be sure,
To not let myself fall deeper and save my tears.

I had been foolish for creating my own fantasy,
For not facing the cold harsh facts of reality,
You and I were never meant to be,
All my feelings were wasted for nothing.

But I'll keep you near, my friend, my dear,
For these feelings they linger, they stay here,
I shall move on slowly to find another,
Only time will tell if I ever move further.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After surveying my blog, I realise this is only the second time that I've ever posted my writings. Anyway, I dug through some of my older writings and the first one is a simple, melancholy, sappy song, and the second one is just a poem. Taadaaaarrrkkk:

You gave me love
You gave me hope
You gave me feelings that I can't ignore
You touched my heart
And I fell apart
I just can't love you anymore

The stars have dimmed
I shy away
It's time to think
Where to begin

Chorus 1:
Enough of love
Enough of lies
Enough of false hope that you supplied
Enough of time
Enough of dreams
Enough of everything that you can't tell me

Chorus 2:
Enough of love
Enough of lies
Enough of hurt, enough goodbyes
Enough of time
Enough of dreams
Enough of everything but you can't love me

Bridge:
I've had enough
I'm not that tough
I can't go on
If there's no love

-Repeat chorus 1 & 2-

Chorus 3:
Enough of love
Enough of lies
Enough of pain, enough of cries
Enough of time
Enough of dreams
Enough of hoping there's a happy ending

Enough my love.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I don't want to play your game no more
I'm sick and tired of being hurt before
I don't want to have to love no more
Only to know there's no love at all.

I've put my trust in you to love
But all I got were lies and hurt
I wanted your love and was too naive
To believe that love would come to me.

I've given up hope, I've given up love
I've given my life just to be hurt
I've suffered enough but I won't learn
I'm still wishing love in return.

Take me away from this cruel place
That offered no love and no grace
Take me away, maybe I'll be okay
Because life is love and I'll love again.

Weeeeeeeeee~~
KAT :)


Life is [insert favourite word of the day].

Monday, February 9, 2009

HISTORICAL DAY + Life today

I can't believe so many things happened in the short span of today, 9th February 2009. WARNING: Another long post that no one will probably read :-/
Looks like I've been bitten by the blogging bug...I are BLOGGER!


Morning...



I woke up late this morning feeling a little lazy to go to school. But since I thought I was going to hand-up my EDevices & CKT mini project, I thought I'll just go to school, test out my circuit and happily hand it up. Unfortunately, things don't always happen as we planned. Stupiak circuit refuses to function, not even wanting to give out any beep at all when it is supposed to. So I ended the lab this morning feeling a little whacked. Just a little. And the lab technician who looks and behaves more like a serial killer didn't helped at all. We were just asking him to get us some components, and he was behaving like we were sentencing him to some labour in hell. Wadda-eff is wrong with him?!



Next...


Mira, Fauzan and I skipped Rudy's E-Maths2 lecture(and so did EVERYONE else) and went to Tampines Mall to buy a cake for Chen Han's belated 20th birthday celebration. We've done this quite a number of times for our classmates' birthday and I think we got more PRO in selecting cakes. We made a quick decision and bought Chocolate Truffles from Polar :D

It was clear when Chen Han arrived at Breadboard and saw the cake that he was truly touched. I could see his eyes redden just a little bit ;)

I am truly glad and proud of my classmates' decision to sort of start a tradition of celebrating everyone's birthday. It is a really fun and exciting thing to do, to make each and everyone of our classmate feel special and appreciated during their birthday. Eventhough it's just a simple cake and simple celebration, I am glad we can do this as a class :)
GO I801!!! We so totally rawkxr! Yeah!


Moving on...



Today I am rather blur. I don't usually lose my things (**no one should argue with me about this :P**). But unfortunately, I lost two things today!!

My toolbox has decided to DISAPPEAR INTO THIN AIR. I usually don't simply leave my things around(unless I'm completely distracted, which er, doesn't happen that much but I'm not justified...). After a series of confusing and distracting events, where I was:

-laughing uncontrollably with Mira(as usual)
-holding numerous objects in my arms
-taking out things from my beg
-helping other people hold some stuff
-handing stuffs in my hand to another person,

I realised that my precious toolbox has mysteriously disappeared from the comfort of my arms, where it is safe and warm. Sadly, my toolbox decided that I had neglected it during that confusing time, where alot of activities were happening within my arms. It felt unimportant, unuseful, unattractive and decided to DISAPPEAR INTO THIN AIR (T-T)



Please, my dear toolbox! Come back to me! I promise to treat you well and make you the most important thing in my life(right now because all my mini project circuit is inside!!!). I promise to take good care of you and not neglect you like I did today! I promise to keep you safe in my arms, away from harm. I promise to always remember where you are and look for you when you disappear! Please, come back to me! I will die without you!! *only because my mini project is inside*

I also lost my 5566 Friendship ring :-s
I had no idea where I placed it. SAD! I really don't know when did I took it off and where I placed it. Sorry guys! I'm really sorry I lost it! But at least I wore it on a daily basis and show it all around...hmmph!


After that. . .



I did a whole lot of walking around today. I walked around Tampines Mall buying cake and landyward for Chen Han. Then I walked around school, attending classes and hunting down my missing toolbox. After school, Mira, Fauzan and I went opposite the school to buy some souvenirs for Sunil to visit him after being discharged from the hospital. Mira and I then attempted to locate the exact bus to take in order to reach Sunil's house. After looping around Tampines for one hour(all within the radius of TP and my block), we finally found the right bus and were able to safely reach Sunil's house with ourselves(and our brain) intact.

Sunil was hospitalized for a week for dengue. It's surprising enough to know that the healthy + energetic Sunil was sick, let alone hospitalized. But I'm glad Mira and I were able to represent our class to visit Sunil at his house :D

He seemed a little weak, a little drowsy, not as hyper as usual, but glad that he's ok and getting better. Can't wait to have Sunil back in school!

Back to the walking topic, I was surprised to find that my soxx has torn! Gaha!! My soxx has holes in them! Holey soxx! Waddarrfff~ Gehee~



I know my shoes aren't the right size and the soxx is some cheapskate soxx but I didn't know one day's walking would completely dig holes in them! *momentarily remembered Alvin Che's "Giant Hole" video*
I seriously need to get the right shoe size and good soxx :-/


Besides that . . .


What else? Ice Queen enjoys torturing people!! Gah!
I saw the sheepish smile on Ice Queen's face when she intentionally tortured people. The smile was one of enjoyment and satisfaction. I think Ice Queen enjoys torturing people from that smile. I smiled myself, obviously my mind has wondered somewhere else...anyway, it's not everyday that I get to see Ice Queen smile. Belive me, oh my, Ice Queen is so cute when she smiles. She ought to smile so much more :)

And Ice Queen, I know you won't be reading this, but, I DO noticed that you've FINALLY changed your wardrobe. I've recently concluded that you only have 2 pants(black and brown) and at most, 4 tops, of which you alternate and mix-and-match them within the week. Glad to see that you've finally added new tops to your wardrobe :D
Today you look extra chic with your tucked in top and pants. I lurve the white top and black pants, you look totally fantastic and very in control. The look enhances your prim and proper, "I'm-in-control", confident and fierce self. Way to go, Ice Queen. Still as icy as ever. Can't wait to see what you'll be wearing tomorrow. We don't have much time left, but I'll try to make use of the remaining time before it's too late.


Lastly...


I would like to announce that today, 9th February 2009, is a HISTORICAL DAY. It is a day of much importance to myself. A day where I let myself be vulnerable, weak, lost, emotional, idiotic, confused, totally unprepared, impromptu, crazy. Everything. Although it made little impact in my life overall, I am glad I passed at least one stage, crossed one line this time, though there are so much more lines I have to cross. It is a day where I learnt to be more self accepting, more open, more trusting, more vulnerable. It is a day towards self acceptance and exposing myself to the ones who mattered most to me. It is a day towards ups and downs, happiness and sorrow, new friendships and ending of old ones. I cannot say that I would feel much more relieved after the incident, or that I could breathe more easily.

I still feel insecured, untrusting, unsure of myself and others. I still feel crushed and suffocating. I still feel messed up and regretful. I still feel sorry and guilty. I am who I am and I am not ready to be who I am. I am living with myself, in my own world where no one has seen another side of me. I am living in a world where I am normal. My journey now, sure to be winding and full of obstacles, is to bring my world, into THIS WORLD.

Gaha...so much of reflections and opinions in my last 2 posts~
Being rather emotional and reflective these few days :D

Last shout out, I LURVE my class I801~!
 
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